i need you
@buzzfeed please confiscate this video
it’s on the internet now there’s nothing we can do
dammit
These days the youngs of America have a new way of doing things. Our ways no longer best? Some youngs think so maybe!
“It’s just a way of doing, okay, we like it,” said Brooklyn resident Jannah Finster.
Youngs, is there anything they won’t do to get attention from us, who matter most? Youngs have books, television, even the movies for and by youngs. We looked at these and it is not even opinion they are none very good, but instead fact. Sure some are okay, but most of the stuff in them we already thought of when we were youngs and then the youngs now they just do copies. Sorry, youngs! You should have been youngs before, when there were new things you could still think and do.
It is hilarious to just watch them not do it good. When youngs talk, it is clear who the bosses are (us) and that the bosses must stay us if anything is to get done, obvious.
“It is going to be hard out there for the young people,” said Mandlebrot Fistula, New York Times bestselling author of the New York Times bestseller “The End of Now: How Youngs Will Be All the Time Sad Because They Can’t Do As Good.” Fistula said, “Most youngs just wish they were like us, but they can’t be. Nothing is left but to sit and be sad.”
Maybe they should take a hint from us and start with doing things they way we did them, instead of not?
There is a way to do things, youngs, and that way is the way we have done them. We worked hard on those ways of doing, and when you mess with those ways of doing it is like you are not even paying us the respect that we deserve because we made those ways of doing up and now you are in trouble, mister!
So: how is it to be with us and youngs? One way to be inside is just bemused. “These silly youngs will grow up to be just as us. The old ways that we invented are best and they will get to doing them eventually,” you can think. But what about youngs who are too lazy or dumb? Why not be anxious about those youngs?
Also, some youngs are mean to and about us. These youngs do not respect and when a way is not respected, that is a way that can be broken. A whole way can go away. Remember when we did that to all the dumb way of doing things olds had when we were youngs? We took those dumb ways down and invented all the best ways. Now most of those olds are dead, but if they weren’t they would agree with us that the youngs now: whew!
“Things now aren’t always so good. People are sad and other people are poor or sick,” one young said, even though it is both known and proven that this way now is the best way for how it has to be, and if you don’t like it, maybe get over yourself, okay?
We worked so hard on the values of now! Yet here are youngs flaunting them. As outlined in the upcoming book by New York Times bestselling author Cheryl Amadeus-Malone, “Afraid Forever Possibly? How Youngs Are Planning to Break All Good Things And Destroy America” “Youngs today aren’t like when we were of youngs. Those days were best days, and these days are worser! If we don’t be really anxious all the time, these new youngs will ruin everything and we will be dead and not able to fix it again like we did when we were youngs.” It is true that we are all aging. Some of us have already died? Could others come next? Some researchers say yes.
For evidence of what to be afraid of how youngs may run things, look no further than “Young Heights High School,” a show popular with many youngs. On this show, conflict and drama is always happening. This makes an exciting show, but do youngs want make all of life like television? Television is not the real, but how can we know what youngs are thinking? Asking only makes them frustrated and they are not yet old enough to be able to tell the truth or talk as of right.
Anyway, we are still basically youngs, so the whole thing is moot. Look at the tie I wear with a funny design. Could an old be even half this playful in ties?
It is going to be so hard out there for young people because it has changed from the way it was when we were youngs. We must live forever or the youngs will never be safe.
–Anonymous editorial originally published in The Proof, Issue 3, a newspaper which is still available for purchase and of which this is only a tiny plain-text excerpt. The full issue is printed on actual newsprint and features contributors like Karla Pacheco, Robert Newsome,Ian Pyper, and Andrew Tobolowsky; comics by Phil McAndrew, Aaron Brassea, Phil Redmon; and an actual crossword puzzle.
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